Oishi - Green Tea - Boobs

American Taxi Drivers

Found this video on Youtube about two Americans who decided to go to the Philippines and become taxi drivers. Here's the description from Youtube.

"Turock (aka Tory) and Jason have been running their taxi in the philippines for the past year.

They both lost Jobs in the USA and picked up and moved to the Philippines to look for jobs. Jobs in the Philippines are scarce but starting a taxi service made sense.

This is a video of their very first run almost one year ago. They are running a taxi in the province of Isabela thru to Cagayan. Their route starts in Santiago and makes stops in Alicia, Cauayan, Ilagan, Tuguegarao. They only charge 30PHP per trip, MAY AIR CON PA! So the next time you are in Isabela sana sumakay kayo sa taxi nina Jason ni Tory. they can be contacted at: please message us for contact details. ;)

follow us on twitter: http://twitter.com/PIJobexperiment"

The American economy must really be bad if we're not getting Americans to the Philippines and becoming taxi drivers. :)

Funniest Commercial Ever

President Noynoy Aquino SONA Speech 2010

Here is the full transcript of President Noynoy Aquino's 2010 SONA.

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State of the Nation Address of His Excellency Benigno S. Aquino III
President of the Philippines
to the Congress of the Philippines
Session Hall of the House of Representatives
July 26, 2010, Batasan Pambansa Complex, Quezon City

Speaker Feliciano Belmonte; Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile; Vice President Jejomar Binay; Chief Justice Renato Corona; Former Presidents Fidel Valdez Ramos and Joseph Ejercito Estrada; members of the House of Representatives and the Senate; distinguished members of the diplomatic corps; my fellow workers in government;

Mga minamahal kong kababayan:

Sa bawat sandali po ng pamamahala ay nahaharap tayo sa isang sangandaan.

Sa isang banda po ay ang pagpili para sa ikabubuti ng taumbayan. Ang pagtanaw sa interes ng nakakarami; ang pagkapit sa prinsipyo; at ang pagiging tapat sa sinumpaan nating tungkulin bilang lingkod-bayan. Ito po ang tuwid na daan.

Sa kabilang banda ay ang pag-una sa pansariling interes. Ang pagpapaalipin sa pulitikal na konsiderasyon, at pagsasakripisyo ng kapakanan ng taumbayan. Ito po ang baluktot na daan.

Matagal pong naligaw ang pamahalaan sa daang baluktot. Araw-araw po, lalong lumilinaw sa akin ang lawak ng problemang ating namana. Damang-dama ko ang bigat ng aking responsibilidad.

Sa unang tatlong linggo ng aming panunungkulan, marami po kaming natuklasan. Nais ko pong ipahayag sa inyo ang iilan lamang sa mga namana nating suliranin at ang ginagawa naming hakbang para lutasin ang mga ito.

Sulyap lamang po ito; hindi pa ito ang lahat ng problemang haharapin natin. Inilihim at sadyang iniligaw ang sambayanan sa totoong kalagayan ng ating bansa.

Sa unang anim na buwan ng taon, mas malaki ang ginastos ng gobyerno kaysa sa pumasok na kita. Lalong lumaki ang deficit natin, na umakyat na sa 196.7 billion pesos. Sa target na kuleksyon, kinapos tayo ng 23.8 billion pesos; ang tinataya namang gastos, nalagpasan natin ng 45.1 billion pesos.

Ang budget po sa 2010 ay 1.54 trillion pesos. Nasa isandaang bilyong piso o anim at kalahating porsyento na lang ng kabuuan ang malaya nating magagamit para sa nalalabing anim na buwan ng taong ito.

Halos isang porsyento na lang po ng kabuuang budget ang natitira para sa bawat buwan.

Saan naman po dinala ang pera?

Naglaan ng dalawang bilyong piso na Calamity Fund bilang paghahanda para sa mga kalamidad na hindi pa nangyayari. Napakaliit na nga po ng pondong ito, ngunit kapapasok pa lang natin sa panahon ng baha at bagyo, 1.4 billion pesos o sitenta porsyento na ang nagastos.

Sa kabuuan ng 108 million pesos para sa lalawigan ng Pampanga, 105 million pesos nito ay napunta sa iisang distrito lamang. Samantala, ang lalawigan ng Pangasinan na sinalanta ng Pepeng ay nakatanggap ng limang milyong piso lamang para sa pinsalang idinulot ng bagyong Cosme, na nangyari noong 2008 pa.

Ibinigay po ang pondo ng Pampanga sa buwan ng eleksyon, pitong buwan pagkatapos ng Ondoy at Pepeng. Paano kung bumagyo bukas? Inubos na ang pondo nito para sa bagyong nangyari noong isang taon pa. Pagbabayaran ng kinabukasan ang kasakiman ng nakaraan.

Ganyan din po ang nangyari sa pondo ng MWSS. Kamakailan lamang, pumipila ang mga tao para lang makakuha ng tubig. Sa kabila nito, minabuti pa ng liderato ng MWSS na magbigay ng gantimpala sa sarili kahit hindi pa nababayaran ang pensyon ng mga retiradong empleyado.

Noong 2009, ang buong payroll ng MWSS ay 51.4 million pesos. Pero hindi lang naman po ito ang sahod nila; may mga additional allowances at benefits pa sila na aabot sa 160.1 million pesos. Sa madaling sabi, nakatanggap sila ng 211.5 million pesos noong nakaraang taon. Beinte-kuwatro porsyento lang nito ang normal na sahod, at sitenta’y sais porsyento ang dagdag.

Ang karaniwang manggagawa hanggang 13th month pay plus cash gift lang ang nakukuha. Sa MWSS, aabot sa katumbas ng mahigit sa tatlumpung buwan ang sahod kasama na ang lahat ng mga bonuses at allowances na nakuha nila.

Mas matindi po ang natuklasan natin sa pasahod ng kanilang Board of Trustees. Tingnan po natin ang mga allowances na tinatanggap nila:
Umupo ka lang sa Board of Trustees at Board Committee meeting, katorse mil na. Aabot ng nobenta’y otso mil ito kada buwan. May grocery incentive pa sila na otsenta mil kada taon.

Hindi lang iyon: may mid-year bonus, productivity bonus, anniversary bonus, year-end bonus, at Financial Assistance. May Christmas bonus na, may Additional Christmas Package pa. Kada isa sa mga ito, nobenta’y otso mil.

Sa suma total po, aabot ang lahat ng dalawa’t kalahating milyong piso kada taon sa bawat miyembro ng Board maliban sa pakotse, technical assistance, at pautang. Uulitin ko po. Lahat ng ito ay ibinibigay nila sa kanilang mga sarili habang hindi pa nababayaran ang mga pensyon ng kanilang mga retirees.

Pati po ang La Mesa Watershed ay hindi nila pinatawad. Para magkaroon ng tamang supply ng tubig, kailangang alagaan ang mga watershed. Sa watershed, puno ang kailangan. Pati po iyon na dapat puno ang nakatayo, tinayuan nila ng bahay para sa matataas na opisyal ng MWSS.

Hindi naman sila agad maaalis sa puwesto dahil kabilang sila sa mga Midnight Appointees ni dating Pangulong Arroyo. Iniimbestigahan na natin ang lahat nang ito. Kung mayroon pa silang kahit kaunting hiya na natitira – sana kusa na lang silang magbitiw sa puwesto.

Pag-usapan naman po natin ang pondo para sa imprastruktura. Tumukoy ang DPWH ng dalawandaan apatnapu’t anim na priority safety projects na popondohan ng Motor Vehicle Users Charge. Mangangailangan po ito ng budget na 425 million pesos.

Ang pinondohan po, dalawampu’t walong proyekto lang. Kinalimutan po ang dalawandaan at labing walong proyekto at pinalitan ng pitumpung proyekto na wala naman sa plano. Ang hininging 425 million pesos, naging 480 million pesos pa, lumaki lalo dahil sa mga proyektong sa piling-piling mga benepisyaryo lang napunta.

Mga proyekto po itong walang saysay, hindi pinag-aralan at hindi pinaghandaan, kaya parang kabuteng sumusulpot.

Tapos na po ang panahon para dito. Sa administrasyon po natin, walang kota-kota, walang tongpats, ang pera ng taumbayan ay gagastusin para sa taumbayan lamang.

Meron pa po tayong natuklasan. Limang araw bago matapos ang termino ng nakaraang administrasyon, nagpautos silang maglabas ng 3.5 billion pesos para sa rehabilitasyon ng mga nasalanta nina Ondoy at Pepeng.

Walumpu’t anim na proyekto ang paglalaanan dapat nito na hindi na sana idadaan sa public bidding. Labingsiyam sa mga ito na nagkakahalaga ng 981 million pesos ang muntik nang makalusot. Hindi pa nailalabas ang Special Allotment Release Order ay pirmado na ang mga kontrata.

Buti na lang po ay natuklasan at pinigilan ito ni Secretary Rogelio Singson ng DPWH. Ngayon po ay dadaan na ang kabuuan ng 3.5 billion pesos sa tapat na bidding, at magagamit na ang pondo na ito sa pagbibigay ng lingap sa mga nawalan ng tahanan dahil kina Ondoy at Pepeng.

Pag-usapan naman natin ang nangyari sa NAPOCOR. Noong 2001 hanggang 2004, pinilit ng gobyerno ang NAPOCOR na magbenta ng kuryente nang palugi para hindi tumaas ang presyo. Tila ang dahilan: pinaghahandaan na nila ang eleksyon.
Dahil dito, noong 2004, sumagad ang pagkakabaon sa utang ng NAPOCOR. Napilitan ang pambansang gobyerno na sagutin ang dalawandaang bilyong pisong utang nito.

Ang inakala ng taumbayan na natipid nila sa kuryente ay binabayaran din natin mula sa kaban ng bayan. May gastos na tayo sa kuryente, binabayaran pa natin ang dagdag na pagkakautang ng gobyerno.

Kung naging matino ang pag-utang, sana’y nadagdagan ang ating kasiguruhan sa supply ng kuryente. Pero ang desisyon ay ibinatay sa maling pulitika, at hindi sa pangangailangan ng taumbayan. Ang taumbayan, matapos pinagsakripisyo ay lalo pang pinahirapan.

Ganito rin po ang nangyari sa MRT. Sinubukan na namang bilhin ang ating pagmamahal. Pinilit ang operator na panatilihing mababa ang pamasahe.
Hindi tuloy nagampanan ang garantiyang ibinigay sa operator na mababawi nila ang kanilang puhunan. Dahil dito, inutusan ang Landbank at Development Bank of the Philippines na bilhin ang MRT.

Ang pera ng taumbayan, ipinagpalit sa isang naluluging operasyon.
Dumako naman po tayo sa pondo ng NFA.

Noong 2004: 117,000 metric tons ang pagkukulang ng supply ng Pilipinas. Ang binili nila, 900,000 metric tons. Kahit ulitin mo pa ng mahigit pitong beses ang pagkukulang, sobra pa rin ang binili nila.

Noong 2007: 589,000 metric tons ang pagkukulang ng supply sa Pilipinas. Ang binili nila, 1.827 million metric tons. Kahit ulitin mo pa ng mahigit tatlong beses ang pagkukulang, sobra na naman ang binili nila.

Ang masakit nito, dahil sobra-sobra ang binibili nila taun-taon, nabubulok lang pala sa mga kamalig ang bigas, kagaya ng nangyari noong 2008.
Hindi po ba krimen ito, na hinahayaan nilang mabulok ang bigas, sa kabila ng apat na milyong Pilipinong hindi kumakain ng tatlong beses sa isang araw?

Ang resulta nito, umabot na sa 171.6 billion pesos ang utang ng NFA noong Mayo ng taong ito.

Ang tinapon na ito, halos puwede na sanang pondohan ang mga sumusunod:

Ang budget ng buong Hudikatura, na 12.7 billion pesos sa taong ito.

Ang Conditional Cash Transfers para sa susunod na taon, na nagkakahalaga ng 29.6 billion pesos.

Ang lahat ng classroom na kailangan ng ating bansa, na nagkakahalaga ng 130 billion pesos.

Kasuklam-suklam ang kalakarang ito. Pera na, naging bato pa.

Narinig po ninyo kung paano nilustay ang kaban ng bayan. Ang malinaw po sa ngayon: ang anumang pagbabago ay magmumula sa pagsiguro natin na magwawakas na ang pagiging maluho at pagwawaldas.

Kaya nga po mula ngayon: ititigil na natin ang paglulustay sa salapi ng bayan. Tatanggalin natin ang mga proyektong mali.

Ito po ang punto ng tinatawag nating zero-based approach sa ating budget. Ang naging kalakaran po, taun-taon ay inuulit lamang ang budget na puno ng tagas. Dadagdagan lang nang konti, puwede na.

Sa susunod na buwan ay maghahain tayo ng budget na kumikilala nang tama sa mga problema, at magtutuon din ng pansin sa tamang solusyon.

Ilan lang ito sa mga natuklasan nating problema. Heto naman po ang ilang halimbawa ng mga hakbang na ginagawa natin.

Nandiyan po ang kaso ng isang may-ari ng sanglaan. Bumili siya ng sasakyang tinatayang nasa dalawampu’t anim na milyong piso ang halaga.

Kung kaya mong bumili ng Lamborghini, bakit hindi mo kayang magbayad ng buwis?

Nasampahan na po ito ng kaso. Sa pangunguna nina Finance Secretary Cesar Purisima, Justice Secretary Leila de Lima, BIR Commissioner Kim Henares at Customs Commissioner Lito Alvarez, bawat linggo po ay may bago tayong kasong isinasampa kontra sa mga smuggler at sa mga hindi nagbabayad ng tamang buwis.

Natukoy na rin po ang salarin sa mga kaso nina Francisco Baldomero, Jose Daguio at Miguel Belen, tatlo sa anim na insidente ng extralegal killings mula nang umupo tayo.

Singkuwenta porsyento po ng mga insidente ng extralegal killings ang patungo na sa kanilang resolusyon.

Ang natitira pong kalahati ay hindi natin tatantanan ang pag-usig hanggang makamit ang katarungan.

Pananagutin natin ang mga mamamatay-tao. Pananagutin din natin ang mga corrupt sa gobyerno.

Nagsimula nang mabuo ang ating Truth Commission, sa pangunguna ni dating Chief Justice Hilario Davide. Hahanapin natin ang katotohanan sa mga nangyari diumanong katiwalian noong nakaraang siyam na taon.

Sa loob ng linggong ito, pipirmahan ko ang kauna-unahang Executive Order na nagtatalaga sa pagbuo nitong Truth Commission.

Kung ang sagot sa kawalan ng katarungan ay pananagutan, ang sagot naman sa kakulangan natin sa pondo ay mga makabago at malikhaing paraan para tugunan ang mga pagkatagal-tagal nang problema.

Napakarami po ng ating pangangailangan: mula sa edukasyon, imprastruktura, pangkalusugan, pangangailangan ng militar at kapulisan, at marami pang iba. Hindi kakasya ang pondo para mapunan ang lahat ng ito.

Kahit gaano po kalaki ang kakulangan para mapunan ang mga listahan ng ating pangangailangan, ganado pa rin ako dahil marami nang nagpakita ng panibagong interes at kumpyansa sa Pilipinas.

Ito ang magiging solusyon: mga Public-Private Partnerships. Kahit wala pa pong pirmahang nangyayari dito, masasabi kong maganda ang magiging bunga ng maraming usapin ukol dito.

May mga nagpakita na po ng interes, gustong magtayo ng expressway na mula Maynila, tatahak ng Bulacan, Nueva Ecija, Nueva Vizcaya, hanggang sa dulo ng Cagayan Valley nang hindi gugugol ang estado kahit na po piso.

Sa larangan ng ating Sandatahang Lakas:

Mayroon po tayong 36,000 nautical miles ng baybayin. Ang mayroon lamang tayo: tatlumpu’t dalawang barko. Itong mga barkong ito, panahon pa ni MacArthur.

May nagmungkahi sa atin, ito ang proposisyon: uupahan po nila ang headquarters ng Navy sa Roxas Boulevard at ang Naval Station sa Fort Bonifacio.

Sagot po nila ang paglipat ng Navy Headquarters sa Camp Aguinaldo. Agaran, bibigyan tayo ng isandaang milyong dolyar. At dagdag pa sa lahat nang iyan, magsusubi pa sila sa atin ng kita mula sa mga negosyong itatayo nila sa uupahan nilang lupa.

Sa madali pong sabi: Makukuha natin ang kailangan natin, hindi tatayo gagastos, kikita pa tayo.

Marami na pong nag-alok at nagmungkahi sa atin, mula lokal hanggang dayuhang negosyante, na magpuno ng iba’t ibang pangangailangan.

Mula sa mga public-private partnerships na ito, lalago ang ating ekonomiya, at bawat Pilipino makikinabang. Napakaraming sektor na matutulungan nito.

Maipapatayo na po ang imprastrukturang kailangan natin para palaguin ang turismo.

Sa agrikultura, makapagtatayo na tayo ng mga grains terminals, refrigeration facilities, maayos na road networks at post-harvest facilities.

Kung maisasaayos natin ang ating food supply chain sa tulong ng pribadong sektor, sa halip na mag-angkat tayo ay maari na sana tayong mangarap na mag-supply sa pandaigdigang merkado.

Kung maitatayo ang minumungkahi sa ating railway system, bababa ang presyo ng bilihin. Mas mura, mas mabilis, mas maginhawa, at makakaiwas pa sa kotong cops at mga kumokotong na rebelde ang mga bumibiyahe.

Paalala lang po: una sa ating plataporma ang paglikha ng mga trabaho, at nanggagaling ang trabaho sa paglago ng industriya. Lalago lamang ang industriya kung gagawin nating mas malinis, mas mabilis, at mas maginhawa ang proseso para sa mga gustong magnegosyo.

Pabibilisin natin ang proseso ng mga proyektong sumasailalim sa Build-Operate-Transfer. Sa tulong ng lahat ng sangay ng gobyerno at ng mga mamamayan, pabababain natin sa anim na buwan ang proseso na noon ay inaabot ng taon kung hindi dekada.

May mga hakbang na rin pong sinisimulan ang DTI, sa pamumuno ni Secretary Gregory Domingo:

Ang walang-katapusang pabalik-balik sa proseso ng pagrehistro ng pangalan ng kumpanya, na kada dalaw ay umaabot ng apat hanggang walong oras, ibababa na natin sa labinlimang minuto.

Ang dating listahan ng tatlumpu’t anim na dokumento, ibababa natin sa anim. Ang dating walong pahinang application form, ibababa natin sa isang pahina.

Nananawagan ako sa ating mga LGUs. Habang naghahanap tayo ng paraan para gawing mas mabilis ang pagbubukas ng mga negosyo, pag-aralan din sana nila ang kanilang mga proseso. Kailangan itong gawing mas mabilis, at kailangan itong itugma sa mga sinisumulan nating reporma.

Negosyante, sundalo, rebelde, at karaniwang Pilipino, lahat po makikinabang dito. Basta po hindi dehado ang Pilipino, papasukin po natin lahat iyan. Kailangan na po nating simulan ang pagtutulungan para makamit ito. Huwag nating pahirapan ang isa’t isa.

Parating na po ang panahon na hindi na natin kailangang mamili sa pagitan ng seguridad ng ating mamamayan o sa kinabukasan ng inyong mga anak.

Oras na maipatupad ang public-private partnerships na ito, mapopondohan ang mga serbisyong panlipunan, alinsunod sa ating plataporma.

Magkakapondo na po para maipatupad ang mga plano natin sa edukasyon.
Mapapalawak natin ang basic education cycle mula sa napakaikling sampung taon tungo sa global standard na labindalawang taon.

Madadagdagan natin ang mga classroom. Mapopondohan natin ang service contracting sa ilalim ng GASTPE.

Pati ang conditional cash transfers, na magbabawas ng pabigat sa bulsa ng mga pamilya, madadagdan na rin ng pondo.

Maipapatupad ang plano natin sa PhilHealth.

Una, tutukuyin natin ang tunay na bilang ng mga nangangailangan nito. Sa ngayon, hindi magkakatugma ang datos. Sabi ng PhilHealth sa isang bibig, walumpu’t pitong porsyento na raw ang merong coverage. Sa kabilang bibig naman, singkuwenta’y tres porsyento naman. Ayon naman sa National Statistics Office, tatlumpu’t walong porsyento ang may coverage.

Ngayon pa lang, kumikilos na si Secretary Dinky Soliman at ang DSWD upang ipatupad ang National Household Targetting System, na magtutukoy sa mga pamilyang higit na nagangailangan ng tulong. Tinatayang siyam na bilyon ang kailangan para mabigyan ng PhilHealth ang limang milyong pinakamaralitang pamilyang Pilipino.

Napakaganda po ng hinaharap natin. Kasama na po natin ang pribadong sektor, at kasama na rin natin ang League of Provinces, sa pangunguna nina Governor Alfonso Umali kasama sina Governor L-Ray Villafuerte at Governor Icot Petilla. Handa na pong makipagtulungan para makibahagi sa pagtustos ng mga gastusin. Alam ko rin pong hindi magpapahuli ang League of Cities sa pangunguna ni Mayor Oscar Rodriguez.

Kung ang mga gobyernong lokal ay nakikiramay na sa ating mga adhikain, ang Kongreso namang pinanggalingan ko, siguro naman maasahan ko din.

Nagpakitang-gilas na po ang gabinete sa pagtukoy ng ating mga problema at sa paglulunsad ng mga solusyon sa loob lamang ng tatlong linggo.

Nang bagyo pong Basyang, ang sabi sa atin ng mga may prangkisa sa kuryente, apat na araw na walang kuryente. Dahil sa mabilis na pagkilos ni Secretary Rene Almendras at ng Department of Energy, naibalik ang kuryente sa halos lahat sa loob lamang ng beinte-kwatro oras.

Ito pong sinasabing kakulangan sa tubig sa Metro Manila, kinilusan agad ni Secretary Rogelio Singson at ng DPWH. Hindi na siya naghintay ng utos, kaya nabawasan ang perwisyo.

Nakita na rin natin ang gilas ng mga hinirang nating makatulong sa Gabinete. Makatuwiran naman po sigurong umasa na hindi na sila padadaanin sa butas ng karayom para makumpirma ng Commission on Appointments. Kung mangyayari po ito, marami pa sa mga mahuhusay na Pilipino ang maeengganyong magsilbi sa gobyerno.

Sa lalong madaling panahon po, uupo na tayo sa LEDAC at pag-uusapan ang mga mahahalagang batas na kailangan nating ipasa. Makakaasa kayo na mananatiling bukas ang aking isipan, at ang ating ugnayan ay mananatiling tapat.

Isinusulong po natin ang Fiscal Responsibility Bill, kung saan hindi tayo magpapasa ng batas na mangangailangan ng pondo kung hindi pa natukoy ang panggagalingan nito. May 104.1 billion pesos tayong kailangan para pondohan ang mga batas na naipasa na, ngunit hindi maipatupad.
Kailangan din nating isaayos ang mga insentibong piskal na ibinigay noong nakaraan. Ngayong naghihigpit tayo ng sinturon, kailangang balikan kung alin sa mga ito ang dapat manatili at kung ano ang dapat nang itigil.

Huwag po tayong pumayag na magkaroon ng isa pang NBN-ZTE. Sa lokal man o dayuhan manggagaling ang pondo, dapat dumaan ito sa tamang proseso. Hinihingi ko po ang tulong ninyo upang amiyendahan ang ating Procurement Law.

Ayon po sa Saligang Batas, tungkulin ng estado ang siguruhing walang lamangan sa merkado. Bawal ang monopolya, bawal ang mga cartel na sasakal sa kumpetisyon. Kailangan po natin ng isang Anti-Trust Law na magbibigay-buhay sa mga prinsipyong ito. Ito ang magbibigay ng pagkakataon sa mga Small- at Medium-scale Enterprises na makilahok at tumulong sa paglago ng ating ekonomiya.
Ipasa na po natin ang National Land Use Bill.

Una rin pong naging batas ng Commonwealth ang National Defense Act, na ipinasa noon pang 1935. Kailangan nang palitan ito ng batas na tutugon sa pangangailangan ng pambansang seguridad sa kasalukuyan.

Nakikiusap po akong isulong ang Whistleblower’s Bill upang patuloy nang iwaksi ang kultura ng takot at pananahimik.

Palalakasin pa lalo ang Witness Protection Program. Alalahanin po natin na noong taong 2009 hanggang 2010, may nahatulan sa 95% ng mga kaso kung saan may witness na sumailalim sa programang ito.

Kailangang repasuhin ang ating mga batas. Nanawagan po akong umpisahan na ang rekodipikasyon ng ating mga batas, upang siguruhing magkakatugma sila at hindi salu-salungat.

Ito pong mga batas na ito ang batayan ng kaayusan, ngunit ang pundasyon ng lahat ng ginagawa natin ay ang prinsipyong wala tayong mararating kung walang kapayapaan at katahimikan.

Dalawa ang hinaharap nating suliranin sa usapin ng kapayapaan: ang situwasyon sa Mindanao, at ang patuloy na pag-aaklas ng CPP-NPA-NDF.

Tungkol sa situwasyon sa Mindanao: Hindi po nagbabago ang ating pananaw. Mararating lamang ang kapayapaan at katahimikan kung mag-uusap ang lahat ng apektado: Moro, Lumad, at Kristiyano. Inatasan na natin si Dean Marvic Leonen na mangasiwa sa ginagawa nating pakikipag-usap sa MILF.

Iiwasan natin ang mga pagkakamaling nangyari sa nakaraang administrasyon, kung saan binulaga na lang ang mga mamamayan ng Mindanao. Hindi tayo puwedeng magbulag-bulagan sa mga dudang may kulay ng pulitika ang proseso, at hindi ang kapakanan ng taumbayan ang tanging interes.

Kinikilala natin ang mga hakbang na ginagawa ng MILF sa pamamagitan ng pagdidisplina sa kanilang hanay. Inaasahan natin na muling magsisimula ang negosasyon pagkatapos ng Ramadan.

Tungkol naman po sa CPP-NPA-NDF: handa na ba kayong maglaan ng kongkretong mungkahi, sa halip na pawang batikos lamang?

Kung kapayapaan din ang hangad ninyo, handa po kami sa malawakang tigil-putukan. Mag-usap tayo.

Mahirap magsimula ang usapan habang mayroon pang amoy ng pulbura sa hangin. Nananawagan ako: huwag po natin hayaang masayang ang napakagandang pagkakataong ito upang magtipon sa ilalim ng iisang adhikain.

Kapayapaan at katahimikan po ang pundasyon ng kaunlaran. Habang nagpapatuloy ang barilan, patuloy din ang pagkakagapos natin sa kahirapan.

Dapat din po nating mabatid: ito ay panahon ng sakripisyo. At ang sakripisyong ito ay magiging puhunan para sa ating kinabukasan. Kaakibat ng ating mga karapatan at kalayaan ay ang tungkulin natin sa kapwa at sa bayan.

Inaasahan ko po ang ating mga kaibigan sa media, lalo na sa radyo at sa print, sa mga nagbablock-time, at sa community newspapers, kayo na po mismo ang magbantay sa inyong hanay.

Mabigyang-buhay sana ang mga batayang prinsipyo ng inyong bokasyon: ang magbigay-linaw sa mahahalagang isyu; ang maging patas at makatotohanan, at ang itaas ang antas ng pampublikong diskurso.

Tungkulin po ng bawat Pilipino na tutukan ang mga pinunong tayo rin naman ang nagluklok sa puwesto. Humakbang mula sa pakikialam tungo sa pakikilahok. Dahil ang nakikialam, walang-hanggan ang reklamo. Ang nakikilahok, nakikibahagi sa solusyon.

Napakatagal na pong namamayani ang pananaw na ang susi sa asenso ay ang intindihin ang sarili kaysa intindihin ang kapwa. Malinaw po sa akin: paano tayo aasenso habang nilalamangan ang kapwa?

Ang hindi nabigyan ng pagkakataong mag-aral, paanong makakakuha ng trabaho? Kung walang trabaho, paanong magiging konsumer? Paanong mag-iimpok sa bangko?

Ngunit kung babaliktarin natin ang pananaw—kung iisipin nating “Dadagdagan ko ang kakayahan ng aking kapwa”—magbubunga po ito, at ang lahat ay magkakaroon ng pagkakataon.

Maganda na po ang nasimulan natin. At mas lalong maganda po ang mararating natin. Ngunit huwag nating kalimutan na mayroong mga nagnanasang hindi tayo magtagumpay. Dahil kapag hindi tayo nagtagumpay, makakabalik na naman sila sa kapangyarihan, at sa pagsasamantala sa taumbayan.

Akin pong paniwala na Diyos at taumbayan ang nagdala sa ating kinalalagyan ngayon. Habang nakatutok tayo sa kapakanan ng ating kapwa, bendisyon at patnubay ay tiyak na maaasahan natin sa Poong Maykapal. At kapag nanalig tayo na ang kasangga natin ay ang Diyos, mayroon ba tayong hindi kakayanin?

Ang mandato nating nakuha sa huling eleksyon ay patunay na umaasa pa rin ang Pilipino sa pagbabago. Iba na talaga ang situwasyon. Puwede na muling mangarap. Tayo nang tumungo sa katuparan ng ating mga pinangarap.

Maraming salamat po."

Source: http://www.coolbuster.net/2010/06/president-aquino-sona-2010-transcript.html#ixzz0uoLVHibj

The Avengers at Comic-Con 2010

Cast of The Avengers at Comic-Con 2010. Excited to see the movie!

Joey Velasco - Sa Kambas ng Lipunan - On the Canvas of Society

I would like to share this video I saw.

It's a sad story about the state of the street children in our society.

Here's the description of the video from Youtube.

For further information visit www.joeyvelasco.net

On the Canvas of Society
While you watch this video, allow me to share with you some words as a backdrop or background of this video.

What follows is an excerpt from Joey Velasco's speech at the start of his Book Launching and First Solo Exhibit in Art Asia. His book is entitled "They Have Jesus: The Stories of the Children of Hapag" and was launched on Oct. 13, 2006.

-excerpt starts-

Jesus Christ never wrote a book. The only scene in the Gospel where we saw him write was on the sand. But what he wrote was blown by the wind. What was etched in our minds forever in history and in eternity was his preference for the outcasts and rejects.

In the future, I will be like the sand that will be blown by the wind. I will remain an unknown artist and writer. I will soon be forgotten. May the things I wrote in which I commit myself, be etched forever.

Countless books have been written in the past about the triumph of the human spirit and about great men who were larger than life. This simple book purports to share the stories of a handful of small lives whose voices are often unheard and whose tiny dreams are shattered before they can even take form. I just allowed them to speak for themselves even amidst the environment of cynicism. Their story does not seem much because it is so simple, but it is definitely deep because it speaks of and mirrors the ills of society.

I have learned from them that immersion or "sawsaw suka" is not enough, just for the feel-good-effect. Presence is the name of the game. Presence is what we are called for.

I do not aim to do a Mother Theresa here or to fire up a grand vision like that of the great Tony Meloto whose environmental and social reengineering of Gawad Kalinga is becoming global. I am aware that I am surely not a powerful force to advocate change that will prevent hunger and raise funds. I am not a wealthy person. I am just a painter. I cannot be a front liner of any movement. But I know I can make a difference. This is my personal healing and transformative journey through the children's pain, hope, faith, and liberation that can reach across generations and cultures.

I wrote this book not out of conceit or in order to highlight the rare privilege of having painted with and from the heart. I am not sharing my strength as an artist or as a writer, but my weakness as a fellow journeyer, who witnessed these children drifting in the dark. Initially, I thought they were lost only to find out in the end that I was the one who was actually lost. It is not a testimony of how I pitied poor children. It is an acknowledgement of God's abounding compassion for me. I am writing this to share how the Lord Himself painted through me and continues to give His message of hope and unconditional love through my humble work. In doing this, I wish to commit myself more and to live up to what is yet to unfold in the pages of this book.

-end of excerpt-

This video contains just snippets of the book "They Have Jesus" based on his obra "Hapag ng Pag-asa" (Table of Hope).

For more on "Hapag ng Pag-asa" and the kids in the painting, view the videos at these links:
Bayani Summit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNLUnH...
Noche Buena with Hapag Kids
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fqrlN...

This video reminds me of the song, "Get Up and Live" which goes like this:

Get up and live, stand up and walk
Life is a gift from God
You've only got one life, live it well
Go to your brothers, help them all.
Get up and live!

Go to the poor, to the poor in your town
Go to the poor, to the poor, my friend.
Share their sorrows, let your pride down.
Show them you care, try to understand.
Get up and live ...
Stand up and walk!

iPhone 4 Case Program Launched

Apple has official launched the iPhone 4 case program.

You download the iPhone 4 case program app from the App Store, sign in and select your Bumper or case.

Some customers are also getting an automatic refund of their purchase of the Bumper cases as well.

Here's the link to Apple's website on the iPhone 4 case program.

Manila Water Shortage

From the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

======================
MANILA, Philippines—Authorities and water distributors are considering tapping Laguna Lake and other new sources for the water needs of Metro Manila, which has been hit by rationing because of the very low level of Angat Dam, the metropolis’ main source of drinking water.

Maynilad Water Services Inc. has resorted to rotating water interruptions in large swaths of its west zone concession area over the past several days.

Its counterpart in the east zone, Manila Water Co., is mulling water rationing in the coming weeks as rainfall is expected to normalize only by September.

Maynilad Water has started drawing water from Laguna Lake, the country’s largest lake, for its customers in Muntinlupa City since June.

Public Works Secretary Rogelio Singson said the government was looking for alternative sources of water like Laguna Lake, Marikina River and Pampanga River to mitigate the effects of the drought.
======================

So a country pounded by typhoons and floods every year including typhoon Ondoy. Yet we still have water shortage every year. It's not like this is just happening now. It's been happening for over 20 years. What have they been doing for the last 20 years? Oh, I know, absolutely nothing!

Apple iPhone 4 Press Conference Recap

Here's the recap of the iPhone 4 antennagate press conference today.

All iPhone 4 owners gets a free Bumper case until Sept 30, 2010. Available for order next week.

Those who already bought a Bumper case will get a refund.

Apple will also offer a choice of different cases. Not just the Apple Bumper case.

If you are still not satisfied, you can return your undamaged iPhone 4 for a full refund within 30 days.

AT&T will void/cancel your contract.

Here the video of Apple's July 16, 2010 press conference.

Here is the link to Apple's website explaining the antenna issue.

Here are photos of Apple's antenna lab facility. Tech porn!

Apple's Solution to iPhone 4 - Free Bumper Case

Apple, in a press conference today held by Steve Jobs said that Apple will be providing a free bumper case to all iPhone 4 owners until September 30, 2010. Those who bought a bumper case before will be refunded.

Users can order the free case on Apple's website. The application for a free Bumper case will be available next week.

For those who are still unsatisfied with their iPhone 4, they can get a full refund within 30 days of purchase without restocking fee.

AT&T is said to also waive their contract if they have one.

The free bumper case offer will also extend outside of US but only until Sept 30, 2010. Apple will decide after September 30 if they will extend the offer.

iPhone 4 July 16, 2010 Press Conference

Here's the link to the ongoing iPhone 4 Press conference at Apple Headquarters.

MobileCrunch live coverage.

Video they showed before the start of the press conference.

Some notable quotes from Steve Jobs

"We're not perfect, phones aren't perfect."

"We want to make all of our users happy. If you don't know that about apple, you don't know us."

"We heard about this not long after we started shipping. We've been working our butts off for 22 days. 22 days. It's not like we've had our head in the sand for 3 months."

"Antennagate"

"We haven't figured out a way around the laws of physics. Yet."

"Phones aren't perfect. It's a challenge for the entire industry."

"If you read all these articles out there, you'd think: Jesus! At least half our customers must have called in angry!"

"We asked ourselves: Whats the percentage of all iPhone 4 users who have called about antenna or reception? 0.55%, One half of one percent."

"Whatever it is, no questions asked, they can return the phone. So what are the return rates? Through our largest retailer.. we're going to compare this to the iPhone 3gs, because its the best selling phone in history.. AT&T's return rate with the iPhone 3GS was 6.0%."

"What are they for the iPhone 4? 1.7%"

"And I can tell you this, because we're being totally transparent. I must tell you, that the iPhone 4 drops more calls than the iPhone 3GS. So how many more?"

"Again! Listening to antennagate, it must be dropping 50 calls per 100! or 25 per hundred! Wouldn't you expect that?"

"The iPhone drops less than 1 additional call per 100."

"Less than one. Even that's too much for us. I have my own pet theory on this: when the iPhone 3GS came out, we didn't change the design. There were a number of cases available, on day one. The iPhone 4 has a radically new design, so none of the cases fit, and we can't make enough of our bumper cases."

"We know there's a problem. It's effecting a small percentage of users, but we care about every user."

"It's been blown out of proportion. I know it's fun to have a story, but it's less fun when you're on the other side."

So here's what we're going to do:

iOS 4.0.1 fixes the bars displaying inaccurately.

People told us "The bumper solves the signal strength problem."

"Why don't you just give everyone a case?"

"Okay, great. Every iPhone 4 owners gets a free case"

"People who bought the bumper will be refunded."

"We'll send you a free case."

"We can't make enough bumpers, so we will offer a choice of cases. You can apply on our website late next week. Pick a case, zoom, we'll send it off to you."

"If you're still not happy? Return it. Full refund. Bring back an undamaged iPhone 4 within 30 days, and get a full refund."

"We want every customer to be happy, and if we can't make them happy, we'll give them their money back."

"The proximity sensor will be fixed in the next update."

"We love our users. We work our asses off for them. We make great products, and what motivates us is just to have them love them."

"When we fall short -- which we do sometimes -- we try harder."

"When we succeed, they reward us by staying our users. This is what drives us."

"If a user is having a problem, it's our problem. We've been working really.. really hard to try to understand what the real problem is, so when we solve it, we REALLY solve it. We think we've gotten to the heart of the problem here, and the heart of the problem is: smartphones... have... weak spots. We made ours incredibly visible, and we screwed up by making the reaction more visible than it needed to be."

"The data supports the fact: There is no antennagate."

"Q: Mr. Jobs: were you told about the concerns of the antenna design before?"
"A: Are you referencing the bloomberg article? Yeah? It's a total crock."

Steve on why they didn't share the iPhone 4 with case makers pre-release: "We like to keep our products quiet until they're ready -- if we don't it affects the sales of our current product. Sometimes blogs will buy a stolen prototype and put them online, and we don't particularly care for that -- but generally, we keep things quiet." Hahaha...Gizmodo reference.

"I guess it's just human nature: when some group or some organization gets successful, there's always a group of people who want to tear it down. I see it happening with Google, and I think to myself: why are they doing this? Google's a great company, and they make great companies. And now they're doing it to us. I ask myself: why? Would you rather we were a korean company, instead of an american company? Would you rather we weren't innovating right here?"

Ryan Reynolds As Green Lantern

First look of Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern. I still think he would be better as Wally West aka The Flash. But this movie could change my mind.

Click on the photo for full resolution.

Here's the full story from Entertainment Weekly.

The Expendables

Now THIS is what you call guys movie!

Great piece of marketing isn't it?

Does The iOS 4.1 Fix the iPhone 4 Death Grip Issue?

In short, nope!

Aquino hits weather bureau for error

From the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

======================
MANILA, Philippines—Presiding over his first disaster management briefing, President Benigno Aquino III Wednesday took to task the weather bureau for its failure to notify the public that Typhoon “Basyang” (international codename: Conson) would directly hit Metro Manila.

Officials from various agencies reported to Mr. Aquino the extent of the typhoon’s damage and the steps taken to normalize the situation at the emergency meeting of the Disaster Risk Reduction and Management Council in Camp Aguinaldo.

After listening to an update by weather bureau chief Prisco Nilo, Mr. Aquino wondered aloud why the bureau failed to update its bulletin on the typhoon’s track.

The President said that contrary to the last bulletin of the Philippine Atmospheric Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration (PAGASA) on Tuesday that Basyang would make land fall in Aurora, it struck the metropolis, toppling power lines and trees.

Significant error

“We rely on you to tell us where the problem is or where the potential problem areas are ... this is unacceptable,” said Mr. Aquino, who closely monitored the development of the typhoon even as he hosted a dinner with the media on Tuesday night.

“May we know why the significant error happened and what directions can be done later on?” he asked PAGASA officials.

Nilo explained that the bureau’s model allowed it to only issue bulletins every six hours. He also said that while the bureau only predicted it would cross Bulacan and Central Luzon, it raised Signal No. 2 in the metropolis.

Mr. Aquino pointed out that many things could happen in six hours and reminded the PAGASA officials that they should have plugged this gap a long time ago.

“I hope this is the last time that we are all brought to areas different from where we should be,” he said, telling the officials to list down the equipment that they needed and that the government could provide.
======================

So we get another bad typhoon in the Philippines and as usual, PAGASA had another prediction error.

Lack of equipment and training is really crippling the country that gets hit regularly by typhoon.

It's actually depressing to see that an amateur meteorologist, Mike Padua, a Naga City-based amateur meteorologist who has his own storm tracking site (www.typhoon2000.ph) is actually out predicting PAGASA.

Not only that, some of the most experienced meteorologist of PAGASA has actually been pirated by other countries like Dubai and Australia.

I read somewhere that PAGASA personnel are paid only P20,000 per month. If you were working for PAGASA and under those conditions, wouldn't you leave for better opportunities as well?

Full article at The Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Apple Study: 8 easy steps to beat Microsoft (and Google)

Apple Study: 8 easy steps to beat Microsoft (and Google)

View more presentations from Ouriel Ohayon.

A Multi-Layered Display with Water Drops

Could this be the future of 3D displays? The technology is interesting, but not designed for home use. But it could be the starting point for future 3D displays.

Here's a more technical version of the video.

Why The US Is In Deep Trouble

Got this from an e-mail. Don't know if it's true, but it's funny nonetheless.

=========================

Why the US is in deep trouble

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why.

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts."

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in South Africa." His response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!" (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada ?"

I said, "No."

She said, "But they look so close on the map." (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time." (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?"

He replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!"

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Alabama who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?"

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them."

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?"

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL , on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!"

11. Mary Landrieu, Louisiana Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York."

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"

"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere..."

The man retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!"

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"

The reply? "Whatever! I knew it was a big animal."

Tiger Woods-Elin Nordegren Divorce Final

Looks like Tiger Woods will be paying his wife Elin Nordegren $100 million in settlement for their divorce. Elin is said to have full custody of the children but Tiger will have input in decision making in their lives.

Elin can never publicly speak about reported affairs he had while they were married and Tiger must keep girlfriends or any other unmarried women that Nordegren does not know away from his children.

Full story at Fanhouse and TMZ.

Bicycle Kick to The Face! 2010 Fifa World Cup

Uh...ouch?

P-Noy Stops At Red Light

Well this is a first.

The SUV bearing President Benigno Aquino III, along with the PSG vehicles, stops on a red light at the intersection of Quezon Boulevard and Araneta Avenue in Quezon City on its way to Malacañang on Tuesday.

If President Noynoy Aquino has no other achievement other than stopping at red lights and now abusing his authority for the rest of his term. Then he's got my respect.

Yes, I'm easy to please considering how every government official no matter how lowly they are abuses their authority.


Meanwhile...

MANILA, Philippines—All eyes seemed to be on the country’s No. 2 man ever since President Benigno Aquino III, as part of his inaugural pledge to lead by example, ordered his escorts to strictly obey traffic rules.

And so Vice President Jejomar Binay apologized to the public Tuesday after a TV footage showed his security convoy beating the red light in Quezon City the previous day.

“The Vice President apologized to all motorists who may have been inconvenienced last Monday, the Vice President reminded his security detail to follow traffic rules,” according to Binay’s statement released by his media officer, Joey Salgado.

Salgado said the head of Binay’s security, Col. Ferdinand Fraginal, had also reprimanded the concerned personnel.

Binay’s convoy was caught by a GMA 7 television crew beating the red light at about 11:30 a.m. along Araneta Avenue on its way back to the Office of the Vice President on President Diosdado Macapagal Boulevard in Pasay City.

The Vice President apologizing? That's another first.

Full story from the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Don't Mess With Granny

Ena Mallett a 77-year-old lady from Norfolk has become the first lady to ever reach the seventh dan in Spirit Combat International ju-jitsu. The award is so rare her new belt has to be made to order.

Read more: http://www.asylum.co.uk/2010/07/06/lollipop-lady-77-makes-ju-jitsu-history/#ixzz0svTVVPfU

Crises of Capitalism

In this RSA Animate, radical sociologist David Harvey asks if it is time to look beyond capitalism towards a new social order that would allow us to live within a system that really could be responsible, just, and humane?

This is based on a lecture at the RSA (www.theRSA.org).

Futurama eye-Phone

Futurama's take on the iPhone and Apple.

Hell Explained

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Assignment

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher,

"How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!"
Then I would say,"It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty that they say is good, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."

Gloria’s “My Last Farewell”

Gloria’s “My Last Farewell”

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz

After lame duck prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo left Malacanang Palace, my investigative reporter James Macaquecquec visited the vacated First Family’s quarters and found a document under the table. A note was attached to it saying: “To be published after I step down.”

My Last Farewell
by Gloria Macapagal Arroyo

Farewell, my Inang Bayan, land of the morning sun,
Pearl of the Orient Sea, Paradise lost.
With gladness I gave you my life,
With sadness I leave you now.
I made a lot of promises,
Some of which I kept.

I promised to end poverty,
But in the end, the poor end up eating dust.
I promised to stop corruption,
But in the end, power corrupted me.
I promised to end the communist insurgency,
But in the end, Gen. Delfin Bangit failed to end it.
I promised to create jobs,
But in the end, 3,000 Filipinos leave everyday to look for jobs abroad.
I promised to end the deficit,
But in the end, I left Noynoy with a P400 billion deficit.

I wish I was more honest,
But instead I became too greedy.
I wish I had served the interest of the people better,
But instead I served my own best interests.
I wish I listened to my critics,
But instead I listened to my husband, Mike.
I tried to improve the economy,
But only the oligarchs and my friends benefited from it.
I tried to govern with integrity, credibility, and accountability,
But instead the people called me the “Most Corrupt President in Philippine History.”

I asked the people what they want,
And they said, “Return the money you stole.”
I asked the people to give me another chance to make good my promises,
But they said, “Alis dyan!”
I dreamed of transforming the country into an enchanted kingdom in 20 years,
But the people said, “No way, that’s too long for you to stay in power. Go away!”
I wanted to amend the constitution by way of a people’s initiative to stay in power,
But Justice Antonio Carpio penned a ruling rejecting the people’s initiative petition.
I wanted to change the constitution by way of a Constituent Assembly,
But Cory Aquino passed away and nobody would dare change her constitution.

I planned to stay in power by other means,
But Defense Secretary Norberto Gonzales bungled the job.
I put up my own candidate for president,
But my “kiss of death” killed Gibo Teodoro’s candidacy.
When Gibo appeared to be losing I supported another candidate secretly,
But the media discovered it and exposed my “secret candidate,” Villarroyo.
I appointed 250 midnight appointees,
Hoping that they’ll be there when I needed them.
I appointed a Midnight Chief Justice,
Hoping that he’ll be lenient to me when my plunder cases reach the Supreme Court.
I promoted the government lawyers and made their jobs permanent and secure,
Hoping that they’d be indebted to me and gracious when they’re prosecuting me.
I got all the bases covered,
Including a castle in Portugal where I can go to exile if I have to.

And now the end is near,
With heavy heart I leave thee, my motherland.
I lived a life that’s opulently full,
I had fun spending P3 billion in 107 foreign junkets.

Regrets I’ve had a few,
But my biggest regret is that I failed to stay in power longer.
I bit off more than I could chew,
However, I enjoyed every bit of it.

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried,
And I’ll miss all the games I played with the generals.
And now as tears subside,
I’m glad I survived it all.

The record shows I took the blows,
But I hit back with all my strength.
For what is a woman ,what has she got,
If not her moolah then she has none.
And so I face the final curtain,
I say this to all my enemies – to hell with you all!

Yes! I did it my way.