Gloria’s “My Last Farewell”

Gloria’s “My Last Farewell”

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz

After lame duck prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo left Malacanang Palace, my investigative reporter James Macaquecquec visited the vacated First Family’s quarters and found a document under the table. A note was attached to it saying: “To be published after I step down.”

My Last Farewell
by Gloria Macapagal Arroyo

Farewell, my Inang Bayan, land of the morning sun,
Pearl of the Orient Sea, Paradise lost.
With gladness I gave you my life,
With sadness I leave you now.
I made a lot of promises,
Some of which I kept.

I promised to end poverty,
But in the end, the poor end up eating dust.
I promised to stop corruption,
But in the end, power corrupted me.
I promised to end the communist insurgency,
But in the end, Gen. Delfin Bangit failed to end it.
I promised to create jobs,
But in the end, 3,000 Filipinos leave everyday to look for jobs abroad.
I promised to end the deficit,
But in the end, I left Noynoy with a P400 billion deficit.

I wish I was more honest,
But instead I became too greedy.
I wish I had served the interest of the people better,
But instead I served my own best interests.
I wish I listened to my critics,
But instead I listened to my husband, Mike.
I tried to improve the economy,
But only the oligarchs and my friends benefited from it.
I tried to govern with integrity, credibility, and accountability,
But instead the people called me the “Most Corrupt President in Philippine History.”

I asked the people what they want,
And they said, “Return the money you stole.”
I asked the people to give me another chance to make good my promises,
But they said, “Alis dyan!”
I dreamed of transforming the country into an enchanted kingdom in 20 years,
But the people said, “No way, that’s too long for you to stay in power. Go away!”
I wanted to amend the constitution by way of a people’s initiative to stay in power,
But Justice Antonio Carpio penned a ruling rejecting the people’s initiative petition.
I wanted to change the constitution by way of a Constituent Assembly,
But Cory Aquino passed away and nobody would dare change her constitution.

I planned to stay in power by other means,
But Defense Secretary Norberto Gonzales bungled the job.
I put up my own candidate for president,
But my “kiss of death” killed Gibo Teodoro’s candidacy.
When Gibo appeared to be losing I supported another candidate secretly,
But the media discovered it and exposed my “secret candidate,” Villarroyo.
I appointed 250 midnight appointees,
Hoping that they’ll be there when I needed them.
I appointed a Midnight Chief Justice,
Hoping that he’ll be lenient to me when my plunder cases reach the Supreme Court.
I promoted the government lawyers and made their jobs permanent and secure,
Hoping that they’d be indebted to me and gracious when they’re prosecuting me.
I got all the bases covered,
Including a castle in Portugal where I can go to exile if I have to.

And now the end is near,
With heavy heart I leave thee, my motherland.
I lived a life that’s opulently full,
I had fun spending P3 billion in 107 foreign junkets.

Regrets I’ve had a few,
But my biggest regret is that I failed to stay in power longer.
I bit off more than I could chew,
However, I enjoyed every bit of it.

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried,
And I’ll miss all the games I played with the generals.
And now as tears subside,
I’m glad I survived it all.

The record shows I took the blows,
But I hit back with all my strength.
For what is a woman ,what has she got,
If not her moolah then she has none.
And so I face the final curtain,
I say this to all my enemies – to hell with you all!

Yes! I did it my way.