Puns for Educated Minds

Take two and stay out of bed for three days...you will feel better.

1. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

2. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

3. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

4. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

5. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

6. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here, Ill go on a head.

7. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

8. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

9. A backward poet writes inverse.

10. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

11. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

12. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

13. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, Ive lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I'm positive.

14. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.