Retailers Ordered To Stop Selling Diablo 3 After CBCP Was Granted TRO By SC

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MANILA, Philippines — Popular PC role-playing game (RPG) Diablo III, which was released worldwide last Tuesday was ordered to be pulled off shelves and prohibited retailers from selling them after the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) was granted a temporary restraining order (TRO) by the Supreme Court (SC) after the church group found the game to be “too “evil” and “anti-Christian”.

This Honorable Court hereby grants the petitioner, Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines a temporary restraining order against the selling of the PC game Diablo III, hereby known as the respondent, to the Filipino people, effective immediately until an indefinite time or upon the court’s lifting of the said order.

Retailers shall be prohibited from selling, renting the respondent whether physically or through online transactions. Violators who are caught or proven to defy the TRO shall be meted with a punishment (smiting or excommunication) to be determined by the petitioner and their God.

Citizens who has already bought and played the respondent are ordered to cease and desist such unholy activity immediately to be able to be saved by the petitioner and their God.

CBCP “Gaming Priest” Jobert Jeyes advised players from the Philippines to refrain from playing the game he deemed as the work of the devil. “The title alone says it all,” said Fr. Jeyes. “And with playable characters such as the witch doctor and the wizard, the game is certainly not God friendly.”

He also suggested players to bring their copies of the game to the nearest church in their vicinity for it to be burned by a CBCP representative. Players who bring their game for burning also has the option to repent and confess their sin for playing such game, “before it’s too late,” added the gaming priest.

CBCP suggested other non-demonic games such as Tetris, Fight Night (featuring Manny Pacquiao), or even The Sims; where players are allowed to procreate with their partner as much as they want without the option of contraception. “One of my favorites,” quipped Fr. Jeyes.

When this author suggested popular video game icon Mario as another option, the gaming priest objected, saying that the game has hidden gay message in them.

Gamers were enraged by the newest intrusion of the Catholic church to their lives, as evidenced by their response and reaction to the TRO.
“How can a game be demonic or too evil if it lets you play as a Monk or a Demon Hunter?” asked Barry Lopez sarcastically. “It’s obvious he didn’t understand and play the game. Kinda like the CBCP did not, or does not want to, understand the RH Bill.

Another gamer who bought a limited edition version of the game for PhP 8,000 was enraged on the supposed to be outcome of his disc. “I bought this with my hard earned money, and all that they’d do is burn it for the sake of pleasing God?!”

IP E-Game Ventures Inc. (E-Games), the partner distributor of Blizzard in the Philippines has yet to issue a comment on the TRO as they have yet to receive a copy of the court order.

Senate Majority Leader Tito Sotto, who was in the news recently because of a documentary aired on CNN, promised to investigate the game and it’s demonic influences as well. “Tratrabahuhin natin to sa Lunes bago umupo si Chief Justice sa witness stand sa Martes (We will work on this on Monday, before the Chief Justice takes the witness stand on Tuesday)”, said Sotto.

This would not be the first time that the actor-turned senator set his eyes on pop-culture staples, when in 1995, he tried to ban the airplay of such songs as Alapaap and Laklak due to their alleged bad influences to the Filipino youth.

What can I say? Stupid is as stupid does.