Pala-isip

Para sa mga naaaliw sa mga banat at patawa ni Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago, narito ang collection ng mga jokes, pick-up lines, banat sa mga politicians (kagaya niya) at ilang mga quotes ng Senadora na hinango mula sa iba’t ibang sulok ng internet. RANDOM JOKES Anong blood type ang pwedeng motto? B-positive. —oOo— Matalinong babae + Matalinong lalaki = Romance Matalinong lalaki + Bobong babae = Affair Matalinong babae + Bobong lalaki = Kasal Bobong lalaki + Bobong babae = Sexually Transmitted Disease —oOo— Gusto mo bang trabaho? Meron sa PLDT, 10,000 pesos per day. Ikaw yung dialtone. Meron sa DPWH, 10, 000 pesos per day. Ikaw yung speedbump. Meron sa post office, 10,000 pesos per day. Didilaan mo lahat ng stamps. —oOo— A young boy asked his Dad, what is the difference between confident and confidential? The father said, you’re my son. Confident ako doon. Yung best friend mo sa school, anak ko rin yun. Yun ang confidential. —oOo— Five tips for a happy man’s li...

Tagalog speaking Aussie Chris Urbano (Host of Maputing Cooking) orders at Jollibee... in deep Tagalog. Watch as he inspires Jollibee employees to use more Filipino language - and even try to get a discount. Jollibee - bida ang sarap!!

She's known for her pickup lines, but this time, Sen Santiago directs her anger -- and humor -- on the pork barrel scam. In a speech at the National Student Conference on Hotel and Restaurant Management, the senator draws laughter from the audience with her pork barrel punch lines.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS? A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'downunder.' Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN? A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them. Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING? A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch... BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment? A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose. Nominated as the world's best short joke A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet,' she replied.

TOMASINO: God, sorry po di pa rin po ako maka-move on. Mas mahal Niyo po ba ang mga La Sallista? GOD: Bakit mo naman nasabi yan, anak? Mahal ko kayo pareho. T: Kasi po nagdasal naman po kami nang husto, bakit po La Salle ang nag-champion? Mas malakas po ba sila magdasal? G: O, eh di ba for the good part of the UAAP season, kahit injured si Jeric, you won many games? T: Opo. G: Di ba you eliminated Ateneo, the defending champions? T: Opo. G: Di ba you overcame the twice-to-beat advantage of NU, the owner of the elimination round top spot, nung semi-finals? T: Opo. G: Di ba you won the first Finals game against La Salle and earned for yourselves the twice-to-beat advantage? T: Opo. G: Di ba nung end ng first half ng Game 3, 8 points ang lamang niyo sa La Salle? T: Opo. G: Di ba kayo ang last possession nung regulation period na tied ang score, at may chance kayo to take the game? T: Opo. G: Di ba kayo rin ang last possession nung overtime, at may isa pang ch...

Marco Ho is the man behind the popular Youtube Video Bogart The Explorer. Here's an interview by State of the Nation from GMA News about Bogart the Explorer.

A very funny speech by Joe Wong at the Radio and Television Correspondents Dinner.

A compilation of various news and features of Youtube sensation Cheridel "Elevator Girl" Alejandrino.

A very funny elevator attendant at SM Olongapo.

Voltes V ending with subtitles.

New Zealand MP Maurice Williamson sums up his views on a gay marriage bill in hilarious fashion. Great way to support gay marriage rights.

For some reason, Gwiyomi is suddenly very popular. Here's a version by Bogart the Explorer.

This is hilarious!

Found these good (and respectful!) jokes about Jesuits online, in honor of the new pope: A Vision A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. The Franciscan fell on his face, overcome with awe at the sight of God born in such poverty. The Dominican fell to his knees, adoring the beautiful reflection of the Trinity and the Holy Family. The Jesuit walked up to Joseph, put his arm around his shoulder, and said, “So, have you thought about where to send him to school?” Haircut A Franciscan gets a haircut, and then asks how much he owes. The barber says he never charges clergy. The Franciscan thanks the barber and goes home. The next morning the barber finds a big basket of fresh bread from the Franciscans’ kitchens. An Augustinian gets his hair cut by the same barber. The barber also...

Eliot Chang summarizes the stereotypes that Asians hate to hear. Yes, Filipinos are considered Asians as well.

1. Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin? Anak: Mas bobo si tatay, nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, 'tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.' 2. Ano ang pagkain? Mister: Ano ang pagkain natin? Misis: Nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili! Mister: Isang pirasong tuyo? Ano pagpipilian ko? Misis: Pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi! 3. Overseas Call IDD Call from US: Husband: Hon, musta ang tindahan? Wife: Department store na! Husband: Ang tuba-an? Wife: KTV bar na! Husband: Ang mga tri-sikad? Wife: Taxi na! Husband: Ang dalawa kong anak? Wife: Lima na! 4. Horoscope Sweethearts watchin' the sky... Guy: Ano ang horoscope mo? Girl: Anong huruskup? Guy: Yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER. Girl: Ah, sa akin ALMURANAS! 5. Almusal Donya: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay ala-sais emprunto! Maid: Walang problema, donya, kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag-almusal! 6. Ni-rape......

From Bogart the Explorer from Davao City Pedestrian Lanes were ancient land bridges marked by white stripes to grant safe passage for fragile creatures called Pedestrians (Walangis autosis) on highly dangerous roads. However, Pedestrians evolved, or should I say, devolved into undisciplined maniacs and crossed roads beyond the boundaries and safety of the Pedestrian Lane spawning a new species called The Jaywalker (Bawaltumawidis nakamamatayis) As time passed, Pedestrian lanes were forgotten and have slowly faded away in history. Some evidence to their existence can still be found in the urban jungle such as this one here that has been blocked by a center island wall...

I saw this and I just had to laugh.