Pala-isip

Wala sa PSBank ang Dollar account ni Corona. Nasa loob nang bahay niya. Before you think this is real. It's obviously a joke.

BITOY: Bakit ang pandak mo? DAGUL: Kasi bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako. BITOY: Anong koneksyon nun? DAGUL: Hello? Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!

Lola: Apo, kapag namatay ako, papamana ko sayo ang malawak kong taniman. Apo: Sige po Lola, san po ba yun? Lola: Log in mo nalang Facebook ko, naka bookmark na yun.

A Chinese man walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to China on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hand over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything was checked out. The Loan officer agreed to accept the car as the collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as a collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later, the Chinese returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we were very happy to have your business, and this transaction had worked out very nicely. But we were a little...

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

Medyo PG-13. ===================== Sa Hospital. Doc: Iha,mukhang pumapayat ka at hinang hina pa. Sinunod mo ba advice ko na 3 meals a day? Girl: Diyos ko! 3 meals a day ba? Akala ko 3 males a day eh!!! ---------------------------------------------------------- May nagpapa-translate sa akin ng sign sa tagalog: "Emergency Exit" ang sabi ko, "MADALING LABASAN.? Tama ba? Parang bastos ata. ---------------------------------------------------------- Lalake: Pag tayo na, magkasama na nating haharapin ang mga problema. Babae: Pero wala naman akong problema.. Lalake: Kasi nga, hindi pa tayo ngasasama. "Wag kang excited!! ---------------------------------------------------------- Sa Sauna: Attendant: Sir, gusto mo ng tirafi? Guest: Anong tirafi? Baka therapy? Attendant: Tirafi po talaga sir. After you tira me, you give me fee. uki? ---------------------------------------------------------- Mr: Hon, buksan mo ang pinto! Mrs: Sori, hindi pwede. Wala akong suot. Mr: (tumawa)...

Anong bansa ang walang pangit? UGANDA Anong bansa ang di sikat? LAOS Anong bansa ang tinutukso? CUBA Anong bansa ang madulas? GREECE Anong bansa ang hindi sa iyo? KENYA Anong bansa ang nakagapos? ITALY Anong bansa ang maraming bacteria? GERM-ANY Anong bansa ang nagmamadali? RUSSIA _______________________________________ Learn Japanese: 1) Is this your underwear? Jakimoto 2) Speechless? Wasabi 3) What are your thoughts? Kuro-kuro mo 4) Are you regular customer? Sukikaba _______________________________________ Mga Lasa Ng Gatas Ng Babae: Dalagita: Fresh milk Dalaga: Pasteurized Bagong kasal: Skimmed Matagal ng kasal: Yogurt Matandang dalaga: Taho Lola: Tokwa _______________________________________ Nag-aaway Ang Dalawang Tanga: Kulas: Ano ba ang gusto mo? away o gulo Tomas: Away na lang para walang gulo. ________________________________________ Sa Isang Ospital Pagkatapos Ng Operasyon: Pasyente: Dok, bakit ganito ang operasyon sa ulo? Halos kita na a...

Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A Pare: approachable? Bobo: mali Pare: amiable Bobo: mali pa rin Pare: o sige, sirit na nga Bobo: Anest Policeman arresting a prostitute Prosti: I am not selling sex Police: Then what are you doing? Prosti: I'm a saleswoman selling condoms with free demo. Bush: What are the pollutants in your country? Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin, chicharon, mani Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik). Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka. P10 piso lang isang baso Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang ba nyan? Tindero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka. Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko? Halos kita na utak ko Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded. A naked girl rode on a taxi 'Bakit' asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya 'Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?' Driver: 'Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan naka...

Willie Revillame for vice president? Wawa naman we. Wawa we! Wawa we! Joke from Neal Cruz of the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Sa Mental Baliw 1: Kilala mo ba ako? ? Baliw 2 : Sino kaba? Baliw 1 : Ako presidente ng pilipinas Baliw 2 : Eh ano ngayun? Ako presidente ng buong mundo! ! Baliw 1 : Sino nagsabi? Baliw 2 : Ang diyos . . . . Baliw 3 : Hooooy wala akong sinabi na ganyan ! ! . . . . . Nagpareherse ako sa MILO commercial... M: Masarap I: Inumin L: Lasang O: Ovaltine! Di ko alam bakit ako pinalayas...0_o Noon: Naka belo ang mga babae pumasok nang simbahan. Ngayon: Naka belo rin ang mga babae pumasok nang simbahan. Dr. Vicky Belo.

SA BAKERY Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake. Ale: Aba, sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal! Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!? BOY: Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat ng ginagawa ko puro mali ! Lagi nalang ako mali !!! Di 'nyo na ako mahal! AMA: Nagkakamali ka anak. BOY: See! Mali na naman ako!!! Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo! Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin malakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino ba talaga ang anak mo, ako o ung baboy? Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun! BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa iyo, pero hulaan mo muna! GF: Sige, clue naman... BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo. GF: Kwintas? BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD! (Sa loob> ng Mall) GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend. Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman! GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since... JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari? ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita) JUDGE:>Sumagot ka sa tanong. ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking? I...

1. Street Vendor: "Bili na kayo ng Relo!!! Gold Watch ito!!! Pag namuti, White Gold!!! Pag huminto, Stop Watch!!! 2. GF: Hu...hu...hu...Bakit natin ginawa ito? Hindi na ako Virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!!! BF: Ano? Isang beses lang ah!!!??? GF: Bakit...Hindi na ba natin ulitin mamaya??? 3.. Couple Talking: Wife: Hon...Paki fix naman ilaw natin sa labas. Husband: Hellooo...Electrician ba ako??? Wife: Eh di paki gawa na lang hagdan natin. Husband: Hellooo...Karpintero ba ako??? Umalis si Husband...Pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. Tinanong nya si Wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho. Wife: Kasi kanina...A man saw me crying...sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay, so he offered to help in exchange of either sex or bake ako ng cake. Husband: So...pinag bake mo siya ng cake??? Wife: Helloooo...Baker ba ako??? 4. Husband: Lagi na lang tayo away...Mag hiwalay na lang tayo!!! Wife: Sige...mag hati tayo ng mga anak!!! Husband: Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda! Wife: Sus!!! Pini...

A contestant, Sally, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached thefinal plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win$1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it: A) the condorB) the buzzardC) the cuckooD) the vulture" The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because . . . her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo." The contestant ha...

Reporter interviews Erap at Cory's wake. R: Mr President, and dami pong tao nakikiramay po ano? E: Oo, dahil mahal na mahal natin si Cory.. R: Eh palagay po ninyo, pag namatay si GMA, ganoon di po ba karaming dadalaw? E: Eh aba, sa tingin po mas marami pa! R: Bakit naman po? E: Siyempre, mas maraming gusto manigurado na patay na siya! *TOINK*

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW YOU'RE AT A FILIPINO PARTY? Simple ! You're an hour late and there's still nobody there! There's enough food to feed the Philippines. You can't even get through the door because there's a pile of 50 shoes blocking the way. You see a huge fork and spoon on the wall, a framed picture of the Last Supper, a huge Santo Nino, and a barrel man. They' re singing "Peelings" on karaoke. There's a piano in the living room for decoration. You are greeted by a Tita Baby and/or a Tito Boy. The older men are in the garage playing posoy-dos, or poker or 31, the women are in the kitchen gossiping, or are playing mahjong,the other people are in the entertainment room singing karaoke, and the kids are outside the streets running around unsupervised.. There's goat 'pulutan' beeing cooked. There's a crazy woman with a camera going around the room snapping away and yelling, "Uy peeeek-chuuur! " You enter a family party an...